The Adventures of Jessica Sideways

Dating sucks. Seriously, there is nothing I regard with more contempt than dating, simply because it is the most awkward, most uncomfortable experience in the world and there are no guarantees that it could turn out to be successful. I have dated people that seem like they have walked straight out of the pits of hell. Some people have been completely close-lipped about some of their undesirable qualities that may make me reconsider a relationship with that person and some have been so open, it is really frightening. I was browsing the shelves at Barnes & Noble, since sometimes they have interesting books that the Tattered Cover or other Indie bookstore do not have (but they can order them) and I ran across a book called “Dating Makes You Want to Die: But You Have to Do It Anyway” by Daniel Holloway and Dorothy Robinson. *thinks to self for a moment* I think that sums up my dating life fairly well, to be honest. I am, at this moment, single and my last date was with this guy 13 years older than me who was very crazy and I guess I must be for dating the fucker. So, what the hell is going on, why can’t I find a rational, sane guy who wants a long-term relationship and why have I found these dumb fuckers?

I know that when I go into a date, I am hoping that it will work out so I never have to go through the experience of a breakup, the in-between period when I have no one to call my own and the tiresome search for a new love interest. Really, these things are the reason why I am so burned out of dating, but must do it anyway. I have put too much faith in people and my trust has been punished with the inevitable heartache and loneliness that follows after each and every break up. Sometimes, I meet really inept and loony people such as Erica and Willow and sometimes, I have really great and vibrant relationships until they decide to leave. And there was one relationship I had that was so fulfilling and yet, we both decided that it was best to part ways. Now she is my best friend and I speak with her on a fairly regular basis. So, I have had good relationships before, it just seems to be the exception and not the rule.

Dating is also a very high-stress string of affairs where it really should not be and really lax in the areas that it should be. Both people, instead of hoping to show people who they are warts and all work to put forth their best qualities. While this is obvious, given the fact that people want to make an excellent first-impression, it is hardly a holistic approach to dating, only taking a few qualities of a person into consideration and not considering some other, some very important qualities. I once dated a Republican that tried to hide that fact from me for quite a while. I eventually found out that she was a Republican through a few picket signs she had in her apartment and what hurt worse than the fact that she worked for the evil empire is that she lied to me about it. As a passionate enemy of the kinds of things Republicans do, I was deeply hurt and offended by her actions, while she tried to lie and tell me that she honestly did not know that I was offended by the GOP. Of course, if she would have read my website or listened to me talk, she would know how much I care for the world and want to make this a better place. So why the hell would I side with the GOP?

But I ask, why does there have to be so much heartache and pain in the world of dating? What is the benefit of hurting so many people with your own actions and your own desires? I believe it is a direct manifestation for a serious lack of empathy in this world that is responsible for people feeling like it is okay to emotionally hurt another person. Or some people are just sadistic, harmful people who work outside of the principles of love but still lie and call it that. And they have interacted with so many people that others are jaded by the things they have said and done so they ruin their own relationships in turn. I do not know what is responsible for this, but I do know that I would love it if I were presented with my one true soulmate today.

For an example, recently, I was talking with Erica about getting back together and while she agreed, she was not the same person. She was not happy, she lacked the same energy she had when we first met. I talked to her about it and it seems that she does not want to be happy until she can trust that I will not break up with her again. Of course, I fell for this at first, accomodating her and letting her know that she can trust me and I will work to regain that trust. But I remembered why we broke up in the first place, she kept standing me up and I was getting sick of it. We were supposed to be looking at apartments together so she could move out of her parent’s home and into an apartment with me. We scheduled a time to speak with a property manager and I even confirmed it on the phone with her to make sure that she was going to arrive on time. She didn’t and she left me standing at the leasing office, walking back to the bus stop crying. I received a text message from her at midnight that night (we were supposed to meet at 5 or 6pm that day) trying to pull some excuse. And I believed it because I did not like the alternative, being single and alone once again. As the old saying goes, no good deed is left unpunished since we made a date to make up but when I phoned her to confirm the date, she cancelled it without phoning me. I was done.

So, what can I do to keep from dating losers and reduce the chances of heartbreak? Well, I am sure as hell not using Craigslist to find a boyfriend as EVERYONE I have met through that site has been seriously messed up in the head. And I do not just mean people I meet for relationships, I have had two roommate situations that I found on Craigslist that have turned out pretty nasty. I also plan to let go of the search for a partner right now because I have to do some serious personal development and work. I think it is more of become more of the person that I am and then, I can worry about it later or he might just find me. But one thing is for certain, I am so not going to settle for the wrong guy or girl, that much I will tell you right now.

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