My First Experiences Being Post-Op

Now that I am officially post op and healing very well (okay, I *think* I am healing up pretty well, Dr. Pichet tells me I am and I think that he is not lying to me), I feel that I have to share a few of my newfound beliefs now. I feel that I am well taken care of by Dr. Pichet’s staff and they have been more than generous in their care of me and their patience in answering many of my questions. But there is so much more to this experience, as I am a non-Standards of Care patient and I have no intention of following the Standards of Care. I knowingly and willingly fast tracked my surgery from the very first days and would have had surgery back in November 2007 if I would have had the money. And there is also the very human aspect of everything that transition entails because I know that transition is not even close to being over yet. So, I also have to speak about where I am heading and what the future holds for me as well. I also have a few points I would like to make as well.

First off, I want to say that I fast tracked my surgery, knowing all the risks involved and having studied everything about the surgery. I have no regrets other than the fact that it could not have been done sooner. Not that I did not do it sooner but it realistically could not have been started sooner. I was still trapped in the Jeebus cult and I was still trying to fight the fact that I am a transsexual. So when I wanted to have transition, when I wanted to stop living the lie, I wanted to hit the ground running. Even what little I did in November 2007, such as starting hormone therapy and moving to Colorado was enough to get the momentum to live honestly as who I truly am. There may have been risks involved in doing this but I am aware of those risks and knew that if I had made a decision, the only person to blame would be myself. It may be a novel idea to some, but I take accountability for all of my actions.

With the link above I provided, you should also know that I have read up on many of the transition failures that exist out there. As my mentor says, there is nothing better than an example, good or bad (okay, so I’m paraphrasing, cut me some slack). I have read many of the things written and got questions that I found answers to. The one question that I would like to answer now is if there was a way I could still be living in as a man today? The answer, is no, unless I were permanently anesthetized, I could not have lived happily as a man. I am glad I woke up as soon as I did, because I was about to get married to a woman who really would have been hurt if I were to leave her. I was an atheist pretending to be a Christian to be with her and it made me feel as though I am lying to others about who I really am and made me discover other ways I was lying to myself about who I really am. My life is not all roses but I at least have a shot at happiness now.

Sometimes, I feel so cold and alone when I try to go to sleep at night and I think it is pretty obvious as to why. All the things that I have had to do for the surgery, I was surrounded by people, I had work to do and I had to strive for the surgery. But here I am, in Thailand, and I feel so alone because no one is here with me. I mean, sure, Dr. Pichet’s staff is just across the street and I could talk with Dr. Pichet about my condition. I know that when I return to the United States and start finishing up the major points of my transition, but that is what makes it okay for me to fast track my surgery. I know what I have to do now and where I want to go, I knew that surgery would not “end” transition for me and I sitll have a ways to go. But I will meet transition with openness and honesty. That is all I can do.

Transition is not over for me, not by a long shot, and surgery is not a capstone of transition. I still have a lot of electrolysis that needs to be finished so I will not have to shave ever again. I still have to go through voice therapy so I can get rid of one of my biggest tells, my masculine voice. And there are a number of other little things in my life that can be altered to make me much more passable. But I recognize these things and look forward to a life where only the rare person in a blue moon would dare to call me sir. I do not intend to go stealth but I do intend to live life where I can be confident to admit that I am a transsexual but not make it a part of my personal introduction or print it on my business cards.

Simply put, I have always seen surgery realistically for what it is – something that kept bothering me and now that I no longer have that problem, I no longer think about it in such a negative way. It is so freeing to have that clarity of mind but understand that it’s just genital origami, it is not a miracle. You do not need surgery to be a woman, for if you are a woman inside, you are a woman irregardless of if you have surgery or not. And if you are a man inside and have SRS, you are in for a world of pain and torment so I would suggest that you ask yourself some very fundamental questions before you undergo SRS. You can bullshit the psychs and get your letters because the SOC is quite flawed, but when the day is done, you will have to live with what you have done. Make sure you are doing the right thing for YOU and for the right reasons. Don’t expect miracles or to “become a woman” with surgery because if you need surgery to “become a woman”, then you will be sadly disappointed.

No related posts.

Tags: bangkok plastic surgery, Dr. Pichet, pichet, pichet rodchareon, post-op, Sex Reassignment Surgery