The Adventures of Jessica Sideways

Today, I had written posts about the beauty of the gay community and how a young woman was robbed of her constitutional right to freedom from religion by a prejudiced Kentucky civil servant. Now, I am writing about a topic which is even closer to the heart, a very bloody realization of the effects of religious intolerance in this country. Today, I received an e-mail from the Church of the Younger Fellowship about how there was a gunman who attacked people who were worshiping at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church located in Knoxville, Tennessee. A person, for whatever motivations, who made the conscious decision to take the life of people who were just worshiping at this particular church. This has been blogged about all throughout the UU blogosphere. The attacker was the ex-husband of a parishioner at the church and attacked the members of the church of their religious freedom and diversity. Despite the miles between Knoxville and Denver, just hearing about this attack shocked me to the very core just reading about it.

My heart goes out to all the parishioners, all the families of the dead, to the dead themselves and I am definitely going to get lynched for saying this, the person who perpetuated this heinous crime. My heart goes out to the parishioners because they now have a congregation that is wounded by this attack, has lost some of it’s members and very possibly now has people who fear for their lives should they come to church on a Sunday. The heart of this congregation is attacked and it will take a while for it to heal back. But I do sincerely hope that the love that these people had for their congregation and for each other will fill these halls once again. I do hope the attacker’s actions and crimes against these people do not hinder them from participating freely in our uncommon denomination.

My heart goes out to the families of the dead. I do have much sorrow for these people because they had to witness their loved one’s last moments as their life was ripped away by this murderer. I feel pain and remorse that ultimately, these people will need time to heal their wounds as families. They should remember that even though their life was cut short, death is a part of life. And even though their family members are no longer among them, the memories they have of their loved ones will never fade away from the people whose lives and actions have been touched by them. And I hope that they will not cede to the evil emotions of vengeance and be consumed by hatred and fear because of the actions of this attacker. I do hope that they find resolution, if not now, than one of these days.

To the dead, I feel the worst, because their lives have been ripped from them without any knowledge of it from them. These people probably did not suspect that this was their last day among the living. They walked out of their houses, went to church and met their death by means of this attacker. While these people were not ready to die, these people were living just as they would up until the time that they died. People often make nostalgic lists about what they want to do on their last days on earth. but I say, why wait until then? You should feel free to do these things now, because this day could very well be your last. Isn’t that reason enough to make the most of each and every day? Even if it is not the last day of your life, at least by doing this, you have started on the path to living your life with no regrets. Go sky diving because today is your last day on earth. And tomorrow, your next last day on earth, why not ride a bike through a beautiful part of town. All I am saying is make the most of your life and you will die with no regrets.

And, this is the hardest to justify, but I also feel for the attacker, the person who perpetuated this horrific hate crime. The perpetrator of the crime had a heart that was torn and he had decided to take out his vengeance, hatred and other negative feelings against these people who have caused the attacker no harm. I feel for the attacker because he was probably unaware of any alternative ways to handle his feelings of frustration and pain. And he acted in a way that is reprehensible and demonizes him in the mind of many. And I am not one of those people who would demonize a person just because of what they have done. However, I am not saying that what he did was right and moral either. I am saying that the actions he took were painful for all involved and he will have to live with the guilt of murdering innocent people for years and years to come, taking his guilt even to the grave, where he will have his only release from the convictions of his conscience.

I know this is a foolish thing to say and completely unrelated, but it really is not. Yesterday, I was at home doing laundry and I was reading a book about Christian theology that someone had lent me. I was making notes about the book itself and writing about points I wanted to debate when I got the chance to talk to this person again. Someone knocked on my door and ran away by the time I got out there to answer it. I went down to the laundry room and my clothes, all wet no less, were on the filthy ass table next to the washing machine. I went to the lady who put her clothes in the washing machine and asked her what the hell was going on. She told me that she tried to summon me to tell me that my clothes were done. I was completely inconsolable and I called her a bitch. I do regret that, but I did apologize to her and explain that it wasn’t my way to do something like that. I started acting civilly towards her and recognized that holding a grudge against her was not a healthy thing to do.

My key point with this story? Let’s not hold a grudge against the perpetrator of this crime. Let’s forgive him in our hearts, where it matters. He will receive a sentence for his crime, I can hope. However, let us not forget that we too are flawed and while we act out in small ways, we can all still lose our way.