A 6-Year-Old Pervert?

One thing that I get called by believers who think that they are doing a “favor” for me by trying to save my soul for Christ is a “pervert”. They do this because of the fact that they want to create, continue and substantiate the stigma associated with being anything that is remotely associated with being queer. However, one thing that these people do not think about is the fact that most transsexuals realize this by a very young age and in my case, I remember telling my parents about this in the first grade. Of course, after this I do not remember much about the first grade and I have very vague memories of the second grade. When I attempted to come out at 15, I was sent to an ex-gay camp by my horrific family and was sent deep into Southern Baptist tradition and thought. I even went to Bible College until the day that I pulled my head up and said to myself “this is a crock of shit” and left the faith. Six months later, I was freely able to discover and embrace my transsexuality and a few months after that, I started my hormone replacement therapy and moved to beautiful Colorado. But one question still remains, what makes a six year old think that they might want to be a girl?

When I was in elementary school, I do remember the impetus as to why I thought I wanted to be a girl then. It was because all of the other girls were having so much fun and they were doing all of the things that I wanted to do. That I could not do because I was expected to be a boy but I still envied and wanted to do. I remember throughout my childhood being envious of my little sister (remember: I was little and did not see the bitch that she is now) because she got to go to ballet class and I did not. I hung out with my sister’s girl scout troupe very often and enjoyed many trips with them, as well as many of their meetings (since they were held at our house).

In middle school, I had the worst experience of my life as I was introduced to the HELL that is the boy’s locker room. This is when physical education got to the point from being just an ordeal that I would have to show up to and then sneak away from and find a nice, shady spot to read to a horrific piece of hell on earth. I did something utterly crazy in P.E. and ruined one of the best friendships I had ever had in my childhood due to the stench of evil that seeped through that place. I also developed friendships with the other girls and when I went to this private school in 7th grade, I started my first stint of experimenting with my sister’s clothing. While it was fun to dress up as a girl, I did not have any sort of sexualization or fetish towards it. I also found that for someone who repeatedly called me fat, I was about the same pants size as my sister was (and probably still am). Weird, eh?

So, I do not believe that my transsexuality is based out of perversion at all. It is, rather, a logical conclusion to many hints throughout my lifetime that I have found. This is one of the ways that I had discovered that I am a transsexual and I am grateful for the fact that I found out because of the fact that if I had not, I would likely still be living a male lie.

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Tags: childhood, Christian, discovery, I want to be a girl, ignorance, introspection, lies, pervert, repression, transition, transsexual, youth