My New Boyfriend Ken

As I have mentioned all throughout the Interwebs over the past week or so, I have been dating this amazing guy whom I met off of… Craigslist. Yes, I was quite skeptical as well and still am to some degree, given the fact that people off of Craigslist do not inspire the most confidence in me. But then again, neither do many other online dating venues so I guess I cannot pick on Craigslist too much in that respect. Basically, he found my ad while he was milling through a certain area of the Craigslist personals area and he told me that he responded because I was basically calling him out without using his name. After spending about a week with him, so far, I have to say that I agree with him and that he is basically the man for me. It is also the case of being the right relationship at the right time and Arthur Jeon did talk about this a little bit in his book, Sex, Love and Dharma. I also want to reflect a little bit on love and living in the moment, which are two values which people seriously need to learn to balance, myself included.

Ken is a very interesting guy and he is interested in a number of things that I am interested in. He is into role playing games and he is teaching me how to play pencil and paper based role playing games with his ex, Chrissy and her boyfriend Paul. He is a Star Trek geek and it is starting to seem like something that I could easily get into. He also enjoys anime and has a number of anime photos and series on his computer. We also have an interest in cheesy sci-fi movies like “Spaced Invaders” and video games like “Destroy All Humans”. He is also interested in a few other awesome things like swordplay and he is a musician that plays in a band that puts a heavy metal twist to a number of classic rock songs.

I have met his ex-wife Chrissy and her boyfriend Paul and I personally believe that we are all becoming good friends with one another. A couple times during the week, we all get together either at Ken’s house or Chrissy’s apartment and play role playing games, shoot the shit and have all sorts of delicious snacks. Chrissy is a very good cook and she made us all meatloaf with cheesy mashed potatoes and green beans, which was delicious (oddly enough, since I usually do not like meatloaf). They all know that I am a transsexual and they are cool with it, which makes me feel all the more confident and comfortable around them. I have even met his roommate Patrick who is also into swordplay and is even working with Ken to create a satirical Internet talk radio show.

I cannot say that I love him yet simply because of the fact that I have only just met him but one thing that I can say is that I do love him. The same way I love Mariah, the guy at the Post Office and even Tony, the bus driver. Love is not something that we should limit to only our romantic relationships because we can spread so much happiness and joy if we were only to show love and compassion to everyone around us. You cannot only give your love to one other person because it is something that you do, love is an action. You can show even the littlest bit of kindness in this world and that could very well be an act of love and caring for someone whom you had never previously met before. This helps to make the world just a little bit nicer and if more people around the world were to do that, I cannot imagine the beneficent effect that it would have.

“When we looked at it, breaking it down, Charlie acknowledged that Carol was, by all measurements, a person with a strong commitment to personal growth. And a person with maturity and impeccable integrity. Charlie enjoyed her company and they actually had fun together.

“‘But maybe we should have a discussion about her breasts,’ Charlie said.

“‘Maybe you should just concentrate on accepting her as she is, rather than as you think she should be,’ I said. ‘Believe me, you’ll both be much happier. Camping, breasts, whatever – these aren’t important.’

“Charlie nodded. ‘You’re right. This is all in my head.’ [...]

“Waking up means setting aside your prejudices, your ideas of what should be, and even your ideas about what you think you want. That way you are in the moment, and by being in the moment you can find yourself pleasantly surprised. You get to see people clearly, without the filters of projection. Then who knows what can happen, because you’re not limiting your view of what is possible”

- An excerpt of Sex, Love and Dharma by Arthur Jeon

Simply put, I do not believe that if I met him a few months earlier, even a little after I got back from Thailand from my operation that I would have been mentally or emotionally ready for a good relationship. I was suffering from extreme loneliness and I dated people who were less than desirable simply to staunch the wound of my loneliness. I feel, however, that I have been repeatedly slapped around by relationships in which, I expected marriage and only that or some sort of long-term commitment would be considered the ultimate mark of success. Because I was unable to be in the moment and enjoy the relationships I was in for what it was, not what I felt it should be, I poisoned them with my own expectations, agendas and nonsense and I personally believe that this is why I have been unable to have any sort of fulfilling relationship. Being scarred by the mistakes of the past, I now see clearly that no matter what relationship I am in, marriage does not matter and neither does any sort of long-term commitment. By being present and letting go of all my expectations for the future, I can see the relationship I am in right now for what it is and not what I would like it to be. That makes all the difference in the world and I personally believe that with that perspective, I would now be able to enter into relationships that are less about me and my loneliness and more about a romantic connection between two people.

One thing that this new relationship is doing for me though is helping me to learn the values and benefits of patience, self-control and living in the moment. When you live in the moment, you leave all of the drama of your own expectations and desires behind and you are able to get a whole new experience that you never even expected. I have fun with Ken because there is no plan, there is no end goal and ultimately on it’s basest level, it is the freedom of connecting with a like person who appreciates my sense of humour and has one sorta similar and not needing to feel like I have to uphold an agenda. Because of this, I am having a lot more fun with Ken because of the fact that I do not feel like I need to badger or pester him about marriage. I feel that if it is meant to be, that is how it shall be and if it is not, I will have fun and meet someone really awesome all the same. If my past experiences have taught me anything, it is that holding Ken to some weird set of expectations and ideals that I have in my head will cause either of us to be comfortable. What matters is that we have fun with one another and share the same ideals and at the end of the day, that is what is important.

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Tags: Arthur Jeon, boyfriend, Craigslist, Dating, dharma, Ken, love, online dating, sex, values