NOTE: This post has some really intimate details, I’d highly recommend that if you are a prude or under the age of consent, you stay away from this post. In fact, if you are a prude, why are you reading this blog at all?!? Let me know!
If you want me to be honest, I can’t honestly say that I am exclusively a lesbian. I am a pansexual, meaning that I am attracted to the person, regardless of gender. I just happen to lean more towards the lesbian side. But what if I fell in love with a man, a man that I knew from my previous life? If my fantasies were getting married to him and making love to him and being the perfect suzy homemaker, does that make me any less truthful about my sexual desires? Well, no, not really. I write here in the moment (or I try to at least) and I believe that my sexuality is quite fluid. I am a pansexual who is largely attracted to other women. But to deny the fact that I don’t have desires about men that I have known in my life is a complete and blatant lie and I am too honest to deprive my readers of anything but the truth. So, yes, I profess sexual fluidity - but is that really such a bad thing?
I am a sexually fluid person because of the fact that I desire a partner to be someone who loves me, cares for me and meshes with me just right. To be honest, I do not care about what gender they are or if they even have a gender at all. I want to know if they are good people, nice to their previous lovers and if they could mesh well with who I am. Can they tolerate the fact that I don’t toe the line of the “gender set at birth” majority? Could they tolerate the fact that I am in fact, transsexual and that I am or will have had surgery to correct this serious birth defect? If they can’t then they aren’t really worth knowing are they? They aren’t mature enough to overcome the prejudices that society promulgates against people who cross the gender line even a little. Or maybe they may think I am crazy for excising a part of me that I dislike deeply and have no affinity for but they see as the centre of their sexuality and security in their gender. But what ever their reason, they have given in to irrational fear and have developed prejudices because of it. They are no different than the fundamentalist Christians that maintain their prejudices against transsexuals, pansexuals and homosexuals.
My sexual fluidity may threaten some people and it may not. But what I have to say is that is the most freeing thing that I have ever explored. I never thought I would be into “topping” someone and even though I am a bottom, I would consider topping someone. I would consider polyamory. I would consider performing cybersex with another person - all because of the fact that I feel that I have the freedom to do these things and still be who I am. I have complete and total sexual fluidity and I think that it helps me achieve a new state of wisdom and integrity with everyone that I know.
