Amber was an old friend of mine from the Xian cult. I tried to IM her to just shoot the breeze, but she desired to be quite homophobic and hateful. She accused me of being a transvestite and assumed that gender was the same as sex. She also made the false claim that I am mentally ill. If you would like to talk to her about her side, her AIM name is revealed below.
jessica sideways 9:25 Hi Amber!
hiii amberrr 9:25 hey?
jessica sideways 9:25 How are you doing?
hiii amberrr 9:25 who is this?
jessica sideways 9:25 …
26:10 I am Jessica Sideways. Need further info?
26:18 A link to my name change was presented here. However, I removed this link because I do not wish for people to know my old male name
26:23 That’s my name change.
hiii amberrr 9:27 Whatever. I don’t talk to transvestites. Fuck off you sick bastard.
jessica sideways 9:27 I am not a transvestite
27:22 I am a transsexual.
27:42 Transvestites are men who dress as women for sexual pleasure.
hiii amberrr 9:27 Thats what your doing.
jessica sideways 9:27 Transsexuals are women who were born with male bodies and have surgery to correct their gender.
28:32 I don’t do it for sexual pleasure. True, my motivation is quality of life, but if you were born in a male’s body with your current mind - you’d do the same thing.
hiii amberrr 9:28 If you were born with a dick and balls and everything like that, your ment to be a guy. Your just sick in the head and think you wanna be a girl.
jessica sideways 9:29 No, I know that I am a girl. I WANT to do something about it instead of just lying to myself.
29:33 Sex does not assume gender. Gender is a construct of the mind.
hiii amberrr 9:29 Haha, whatever freak. Your an ugly boy, and your gonna be one ugly ass girl.
29:54 Uhm no. Gender is a physical thing.
jessica sideways 9:30 No, it’s mental.
30:04 Sex is physical.
30:18 Why do you think that ID cards and Passports have the word “Sex” on them?
hiii amberrr 9:30 Go talk to a doctor dumbass.
jessica sideways 9:30 I am.
hiii amberrr 9:30 Because sex is another word for gender you dumb fuck.
jessica sideways 9:30 I talk to doctors often. I am regularly seeing an endocrinologist to procure hormoens.
30:55 No, sex is only the physical attributes of a person.
31:02 Gender is of the mind.
31:15 Look up both words, and you will know.
hiii amberrr 9:31 You have a dick! You have nothing on your body to make you anything like a girl.
jessica sideways 9:31 Gender is defined as “the state of being male or female (typically used with reference to social and cultural differences rather than biological ones)”
32:06 Sex is defined as “either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and most other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive ”
32:19 I am have gender reassignment surgery later this year.
33:13 Also, I would let you know that “gender identity disorder” is classified under the American Psychological Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual v. 4.
hiii amberrr 9:33 The definition of gender: The condition of being female or male; sex. it states nothing about thinking fucked up shit in your dumbass mind. Look it up.
jessica sideways 9:33 Or, DSM-IV for short.
33:30 I already have.
33:34 sex is defined as “either of the two main categories (male and female) into which humans and most other living things are divided on the basis of their reproductive ”
33:40 REPRODUCTIVE.
33:47 This is a physical attribute.
33:54 And I am using the New Oxford Dictionary. The default dictionary that comes with Apple OS X 10.5
hiii amberrr 9:35 DUMBASS! Your having a gender reassignment correct? Meaning your a guy, you’ve always been a guy, and you were intended to always be a guy. You made the decision in your fucked up mind to want to because a girl. It’s impossible to be a girl born into a males body. It’s all in your head.
jessica sideways 9:35 I am not a guy
hiii amberrr 9:35 Look in your pants, what do you see?
jessica sideways 9:35 That only details sex.
35:59 However, people are more than the physical.
36:08 Even as an atheist, I believe that
36:35 You espouse belief in a religion, Amber. Why would you believe that the physical is the be-all, end-all?
hiii amberrr 9:37 Because that’s the way you were fucking made, and how your supposed to be!
jessica sideways 9:37 Furthermore, people born with other birth defects - does that mean they are inferior in any way to the rest of us?
hiii amberrr 9:37 So basically your a homosexual?
jessica sideways 9:37 I am attracted to other women.
hiii amberrr 9:37 So your gonna be a lesbian?
jessica sideways 9:37 I am a lesbian.
hiii amberrr 9:38 You’d have better luck trying to get a girl being a guy, your gonna be the most fucked up looking girl I’ve ever seen.
38:18 You should try and find someone who’s blind.
jessica sideways 9:38 Actually, a few of my friends say that I look VERY good.
38:48 I uploaded a few pictures to my Facebook, if you are interested in seeing them
39:15 However, I was dating a guy about a month ago.
hiii amberrr 9:39 It’s called ‘lying.’ I’ve seen them. You look retarded. People can say something just to make you feel better, it’s not that uncommen
39:32 And did he know you had a dick?
jessica sideways 9:39 Yes. He was a fellow transsexual, a female-to-male transsexual.
hiii amberrr 9:40 Ahahaha, wow. Your both fucked up. Why don’t you just tried your dick for her vagina.
jessica sideways 9:40 I know many transsexuals, who I would consider women - regardless of their operative status.
40:35 Organ donation and switching is a very difficult process.
41:06 And given the amount of organs that would need to be transferred, there would be significant risk to both of the participants.
41:35 And he is also planning to to have gender reassignment surgery
42:07 However, I feel sad for him because the surgery for female-to-male transsexuals is inferior to the surgery that male-to-female transsexuals have.
hiii amberrr 9:42 Good. Try and switch them, maybe you’d both die in surgery and do the world a favor.
jessica sideways 9:42 Don’t you see how mean spirited what you are saying is?
42:42 What do you have against transsexuals?
42:51 Or is it just an overt against me?
hiii amberrr 9:43 Yeah, do you think I give a fuck? Your messed up in the head, you always have been. Your a freak and I don’t want to have anything to do with you. Go cut your dick off and try and be a girl. Your going to hell, have fun. I hope you both die or get AIDS.
jessica sideways 9:44 There is no hell, Amber.
45:03 But if you ever wish to know more than just to make assumptions about who we are, I am more than willing to help educate you.
45:14 Of course, you can also go to any LGBT organization or UU church.
45:41 Or if you want to contact me again, you can google my name. I am certain by the time you figure this out, I will have earned my final fellowship with the UUA
45:53 7 years from now.
hiii amberrr 9:45 I don’t wanna know about fags and dikes and people who are fucked in the head. I don’t want to be associated with anyone like that in anyway.
jessica sideways 9:46 That’s quite prejudiced, Amber.
46:16 That’s like saying you don’t want to be associated with black people.
46:52 You know what tomorrow is? Tomorrow is the National Day of Silence, where LGBT people take a stand against the silence of homophobia. I am proud to be who I am.
47:07 You have issues with who you are, and that is why you choose to attack me.
hiii amberrr 9:47 I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! And I don’t want ot be associated with dumb niggers or beaners either. They’re trashy people who need to stop fucking up our society.
jessica sideways 9:47 If you ever need help, I can help you.
47:37 Or I can refer you to resources that can help you.
hiii amberrr 9:47 I’m fine with who I am. I like my vagina, I like being a girl.
jessica sideways 9:47 In fact, I highly recommend talking to the people at the First UU Church.
47:55 But why is it that you like being prejudiced?
48:02 Why is it that you cannot see the beauty in humanity?
hiii amberrr 9:48 What the fuck is UU church
jessica sideways 9:48 Unitarian Universalist.
48:24 www.uua.org
hiii amberrr 9:48 Is that just a church for fags? I thought you were an athiest.
jessica sideways 9:48 It is a church for all people, regardless of their faith or lack thereof.
49:13 They are non-creed oriented and honour all religious traditions.
49:40 However, they do have 7 principles, which UUs try to affirm and promote: http://www.uua.org/visitors/6798.shtml
49:53 My favourite is “The inherent worth and dignity of every person”
hiii amberrr 9:50 Your dumb, I’m not going to waste my time with you anymore, go fuck up your life and don’t bother me anymore.
jessica sideways 9:50 I believe that all people have inherent worth and dignity, although people here in Denver drive like hell.
50:38 Alrighty, if you ever want help overcoming your prejudices, let me know.
51:07 But I can honestly say that life for me has gotten a lot better since I left Xianity and pursued therapy to become who I truly am.
51:27 I found out what was wrong with me and I am losing my mean-spirited side.
51:39 I hope that one day, you can too
hiii amberrr 9:52 DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE WORDS FUCK OFF? I figured even a dumb fuck like you could atleast understand that much.
jessica sideways 9:52 I am not dumb
hiii amberrr 9:52 Yes, you are.
jessica sideways 9:52 If I were, then why was I smart enough leave the church?
hiii amberrr 9:52 How the hell does that make you smart?
jessica sideways 9:53 Why was I smart enough to find out what was wrong with me and the appropriate course of medical therapy to remedy it?
53:42 Why was I smart enough to find a religious tradition which accepts all people and promotes an honest search for spiritual truth. A faith where you are not told what to believe.
54:31 I have always been intelligent, but I have been afflicted by issues in my life. I am dealing with those issues now.
hiii amberrr 9:55 Your not intelligent in anyway, you’ve got a fucking mental disease.
jessica sideways 9:55 Hardly. It is a physical incongruence with the mind.
55:39 But I am working on remedying that.
55:52 The disorder is called “Androgen Insensitivity Disorder”
56:29 Which is explained best as a negative medical reaction against testosterone.
56:47 Since I started on Hormone Replacement Therapy, things have become much clearer.
57:05 And life is only getting better.
hiii amberrr 9:57 Shut the fuck up! go play with your dick while you still can
jessica sideways 9:57 Nah, I find that disgusting.
58:19 Why are you lashing out? Are you angry that I KNOW what is wrong with me?
58:30 And that I am getting better?
58:38 And more able?
hiii amberrr 9:59 I’m angry that you always annoy me with your me with your dumb bullshit. I don’t give a fuck about your messed up life, you could go die now and I’d simply laugh and thank god.
hiii amberrr disconnected 10:00
I’m sorry, Jessica.
I know my apology doesn’t count for an ounce of good against any of the hate that has been perpetrated against you, but I am so sorry.
Sorry that you had to take all that (though you did so with a grace and eloquence that was truly amazing).
Sorry that that girl calls herself a Christian.
Sorry that you’ll probably find more of that kind of attitude in Christian churches than acceptance.
Sorry that any apology I offer you is woefully inadequate.
Know that I’m here to talk, anytime.
I try to. I dislike her beliefs about religion and I could claim that it is her religion guiding her. However, I would be more inclined to say that her religion and her conditioning cause this, as not all Xians are as prejudiced as she is. There are groups of Xians which make a point to be more accepting. Groups such as the Metropolitan Community Church, which was started by a member of the LGBT community.
Wow! I found your website from The Other McCain blog. I have empathy towards you and the things you have been through. I know you believe that what you have found in these off-the-wall “religions” has helped you, but all you have truly searched for is something to validate your worldview. I encourage you to ask yourself why sex defines you in the way that it has. Sincerely ponder this before having surgery to alter your sex. There is much more to life than this.
May God bless you!
There is, I can agree with that. In fact, I agree that the surgery must be considered very seriously and very importantly before the ultimate decision could be made. I believe that I am making the right choice and every step I take towards blessed womanhood results in a happier and more well-rounded person. I have done so much and I am proud of my accomplishments, I feel no regrets.