I would like to be the next Governor of Colorado. Seriously, I really would like to help people out and the only way I could see doing that is getting into one of the highest offices in my own home state. Now, given the fact that I am an atheist Unitarian Universalist male-to-female transsexual, I could probably fit my constituency into a Toyota Prius and running Libertarian would help a few people get out of the back seat. But I could run for governor if I was really wanting to or was the legal age to. Now, does that mean I will win? Probably not, but it would be fun to try to run for governor and see what the opposition could possibly come up with to say against me. That is of course, considering that this blog won’t even ruin my chances of running for office, which it probably will.
Why do I compose a blog that outs me in such a manner? Why would I willingly out myself as a male-to-female transsexual, an atheist, a lesbian, among other things? Why would I post the most controversial views on my website for all to read, including my future lovers, my future children and my future children’s children? Simply put, I write about what is true for me, and I write with no reservation about the truth. I want it to be said that I stood up for my beliefs, tried to help people in our broken and derelict soicety. I want my great-grandchildren to know that one of their great-grandmothers was a radical who would not allow anyone to coerce her into thinking that she was less than human. I want them to know that their great-grandmother was awake during her life and not just sitting down in front of a TV, ready for FOX News’ programming (in more ways than one).
I also want to help people in any way I can. And I feel that the best thing I can do in this moment is not only publicly out myself on such a permanent and globally accessible medium, but to advocate that we should be doing a better job of taking care of people here in our society. I want to post content for future generations that will move them to take care of the less fortunate in the here and now. I can honestly say that we here in this country do a piss-poor job when it comes to social services and we are also the only first-world country where you can actually go bankrupt by becoming ill. Such madness, I know, but it is absolutely true! We need to learn to treat the homeless not as a disease that we can catch by getting to close to them, but with compassion love and dignity. We also need to start working towards holding the government on all levels municipal, state and federal to start taking over the care and management of people who need social services. For too long, the federal government has been underwriting these services to the churches and this puts the churches in a very good position to brainwash people into believing in their god. This is a reality that should not be allowed any longer.
I am aware that this blog does posit some pretty controversial views. And I am also aware of the fact that I have openly used my real name on this blog, so the content and my identity are pretty much fused for the rest of my days and even after I die all the way until people lose touch with the old content of Ye Olde Internet. I am aware that even when I get to the age to run for governor and finally start, my opponents will use every bit of content that I have written against me. And even though I am not in that position now, if I were, I would be honest and own up to the claims that they make which have some sort of validity to them. I could never be overtly dishonest to anyone and when I know that something I said was not true, I would usually tell them the truth right after. I think that this is in large part to being out, because it commands and requires being honest with ones self about everything, even the stuff that is hard to come to acceptance with. After all, while society is starting to get better, we still live in a county where sex is taboo and anyone who crosses the divide is seen as a traitor to both by the religious reich. But the religious reich and all of their adherents are crazy anyways, so who gives a shit what they think?
But either way, I put my creative force and enduring spirit into this blog. This is where I show my battle scars with the forces of the world which choose to oppose me. This is a blog that shows my dedication and determination to finish up transition. But it also shows my desire to take my time and look at all the beautiful scenery walking down the bridge from being seen as male to being seen as female. Some people find being in the middle scary and they want to run over to the other side and stake their claim as soon as possible, forgetting all that they leave behind. I, on the other hand, find that I will get to the other side of the bridge when I am ready, remembering my trials all the more and appreciating my destination even more. But right now - I am going to enjoy my life and see it with the beauty and honesty that I owe myself. I have sacrificed much to get to this point and I will be damned if I do not see this through.
I also force myself out of the closet with this blog, always and forever more. I have to be true to myself and true to those I love, I have no secrets anymore and the biggest secret that I have ever tried to keep in my life is now laid out for all to see. There is no more “closet, or no closet” for me - I am beyond the closet and I have a future that has the closet filled with concrete so I couldn’t even close the door, let alone get in. I force myself out because I pity the people who hide from the world for a piece of comfort. That piece of comfort has a cost at any price no matter what stage of life a transsexual may be in, pre-transition, pre-op and even post-op. If we are not honest to ourselves, how can we be honest to the people that we love and cherish the most. I have no girlfriend yet, but I’d like to have one. And I would love her to know above all that the girl that she loves and trusts, started being honest because of the fact that she came out of the closet and admitted she was, is and will continue to be a tranny.
