The Adventures of Jessica Sideways

I have been meaning to write a series of posts about Laveyan Satanism. This series will discuss, in equal detail, the benefits and doctrine of Laveyan Satanism. LaVeyan Satanism is a form of non-theistic satanism that was invented by Anton LaVey. I am going to discuss The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth in this post.

I. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked. - This would be the one thing that I would have issues with, but I do see the merit in it. I get told my friends from the Christian cult all the time about why they believe I am going to go to hell and that I should accept Jesus in my heart because he is so fucking wonderful. Yeah… right.

II. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure that they want to hear them. - Again, another thing I would have trouble with but I certainly see the merit in it.

III. When in another’s lair, show him respect or else do not go there. - While I disagree with the use of only a male pronoun here, I do have to agree with this. This practice alone would put Jehovah’s Witnesses out of business.

IV. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy. - Oh yeah, I totally agree with this one. I have a policy of pissing off Jehovah’s Witnesses when they stop by my apartment.

V. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal. - One again, something that does not have to be explained.

VI. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the person and he cries out to be relieved. - I don’t have to explain this, do I?

VII. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have used it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained. - Hell, if I got anything out of magick, I would so be disseminating the hell out of it. I would tell everyone I meet about the benefits of the magick that I used, what I did and how it helped me. I would own up to the power of magick, even black magick, if it helped me. If magick could help me with my sex reassignment, I would be one of Satanism’s largest disseminator.

VIII. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself. - I would fully agree with this if I did not have such an opinionated mind. The Christians seem to focus themselves on banning gay marriage despite the fact that it has NOTHING to do with them. If they don’t want a gay marriage, then they should get one. But they should respect the freedom of others. So, I partially support this rule.

IX. Do not harm little children. - I don’t have to explain the merit in this, do I?

X. Do not kill non-human animals unless attacked or for your food. - I don’t have to explain the merit in this either, right?

XI. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him. - I can agree with only the first part of this. I don’t agree with the concept of destroying another human being. Unless they have the desire to destroy you, I see no logical reason as to why anyone should have to be ‘destroyed’.