Sadly, I learned about a month ago that the amount of the Stafford Loan from Community College of Denver is too laughably small to help me get the surgery. So, with the little job prospects that I do have and the little hope that I have of getting gainful employment, I am going to have to cede to the fact that I will not be having surgery before the end of the surgery. But if nothing else, it will help teach me how to live as female without the surgery, thus appreciating the surgery more. And yes, it will give me more time to prepare things before I leave. Namely, the little things such as getting a cache of money together for Chinese food delivery, a cache of food to ensure that I do not have to run to Whole Foods while lying around the house, enough to pay off my utilties for a couple of months and to purchase the sundry items needed that I would go through much quicker since I would be at home, recovering from major surgery.
Ultimately, this did cause a little bit of concern at Dr. Wilson’s office last week when I went in for my regular hormone appointment. Turns out that my testosterone levels were just a smidge higher than female norms. So, she was going to up my Spironolactone to 100/mg twice a day. But since I would be having surgery a year later than I planned, she decided to err on the side of caution and up me to 75 mg twice a day. But I told her that it was really irritating that I would not be having the surgery any time soon. I told her that I knew the danger that the anti-androgens would pose on my liver.
I don’t know exactly how I will tell the people that ultimately see me as a male until I have the surgery. Ultimately, these people are assholes and they are not really worthy of my concern. But to have them call me male does unnerve me, because if they knew a few parts of my past - they would also assume that I was male and neglect to look at the rest. But ultimately, this does not keep me down. I will continue to do my best, I will continue to work on my best and most important, I will work my hardest to make as many friends as humanly possible. And I will try to aim for friends outside the trans community, because I just want a normal life. Not stealth-normal, but normal. Well, as close to a normal life as an out atheistic UU lesbian transsexual can have. ^+^
