Why I Evoke Negative Opinions of Being Transsexual

I make no illusion of stating my current feelings about transsexuality, but the fact of the matter is that transsexuality is merely just a state of being, no more or less valid than any other state of being. I see no real disadvantage outside of the bigotry and hatred that society seems to espouse for anyone who has an alternate view of sexuality or identity. But I can still be quoted as to claiming to have some sort of negative viewpoint of transsexuality, and at times I do. But that is not my general opinion, as I see transsexuality as something that is helping to keep me out of the oppressive religion known as Christianity. It is a way for me to truly become female in a society that so resists change, due to the fact that the bigotries in society are rooted from madmen from the bronze age. But on the flip side of that coin, there are issues with being trans that I often focus in on instead of learning to just enjoy life and smell the roses. But alas, it is one of those things I need to accomplish in order to achieve any sort of real personal development.

I don’t feel that being transsexual is bad but I do believe that society does need to be educated more on the nature of sexuality and gender, because there is a large gap which religion maliciously fills with misinformation that has proven inconvenient at best and quite deadly for too many people at worst. Society sees sex reassignment surgery as a controversial topic where one of the things near and dear to people’s hearts, gender, is questioned. They see the surgery as the capstone for transition and this is plain ignorance, considering the non-op transsexual. Sex Reassignment Surgery, in my eyes, is a milestone, but is just one of the things I need to do in my transition. No different than going to the dentist to get a crown (I wonder, for transsexuals, would it be called a tiara? ;-P ) if you damage your tooth. Personally, I see Facial Feminization Surgery, electrolysis and being accepted in society as a woman being more important than sex reassignment surgery, which is a very intimate procedure to be enjoyed only between myself and my partners (hopefully the next one will be my future husband).

I am not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination and I don’t even know how I am going to be able to pay for many of the things I need, such as electrolysis, sex reassignment surgery, facial feminization surgery and other such stuff. The economy only seems to be getting worse and Dr. Pichet’s prices seem to get higher and higher with each passing year. I guess I am somewhat fortunate to have my price locked in but that is only a minor comfort in the fact that I am still $4,600 away from surgery (not including airfare) and have no way of raising it any time soon. So, while I don’t feel trapped in a mans body since there are ways out, it does feel like there is a way out that is 100 feet up and all I have to work with is dental floss and toothpicks to get myself up to that ledge. I know that I can do it and I’ll be happier once I have this conflict between body and mind resolved. However, the current state of resolution saddens me because it keeps me from seeing the woman that I know I am in the mirror. I still see remnants of that male past and probably will for the rest of my life, but I know that once I alter my face and genitals, along with my voice, I won’t be too concerned because I can look in the mirror and see a female-bodied person.

Another concern of mine is what gender people perceive me as being. I hear people say all the time that I shouldn’t care what other people think, but in this instance, it really does matter to pay very close attention to what people are saying so you know how they perceive you. I am still perceived somewhat as male and I know that there are a few things that keep me from being perceived as female. Namely, I need to cultivate a feminine voice, more feminine movement techniques and start putting on makeup and tweaking my eyebrows. I am certain that if I do these things, I will probably have a higher probability of passing and I won’t feel so negative. The sad fact though is that even though this is easy to say, to actually do these things requires time and money, of which I have very little of the latter. But when I do get a little bit of money and my surgery situation isn’t so bleak, I will look into acquiring these skills.

The point of my post is not to justify my negative outlook on transsexuality, but to paint a light on why I evoke such negative emotional feelings for something that I logically see as mostly positive. I know that being transsexual is not so terrible and that I can look forward to a good life as a woman if I work hard and do what I need to do. But you can’t use rationality when you are talking to me and I am in some sort of funk. And generally, when I am single, I am in a pretty bad funk because I absolutely abhor being single. That’s pretty much the simple fact of it, as much as I hate to admit it.

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Tags: gender dysphoria, gender identity disorder, identity, Opinions, personality, transsexual