I think it’s high time for some reflection on what it truly means to me, to be trans. Well, even though I have had a lot of ups and downs, a lot of highs and lows and I have won a lot of battles in my struggle to be me, I must admit that there are some problems in my life which are horribly difficult to contend with. I am now on my 10th month on hormones and my 5th month being full-time. With the exception of my voice, I have been told that I pass pretty well and I am certain that the more that I work on, the better things are going to get. So, let’s get this status report under way, eh? Continue reading ‘10 Months on Hormones, 5 Months Full-Time’
Tag Archive for 'transition'
I transition because I need to and I want to have a set result. In other words, to live a good life and to be honest to myself. I mean, I enjoy some aspects of transition, but other confuse the hell out of me or wipe me out. Some are so financially unattainable in the immediate future that it creates a sort of plateau and that wipes me out. I mean, I think that except for voice feminization and a little bit of psychotherapy, I have pretty much done what I can do for now. I do plan to have Sex Reassignment Surgery as soon as possible and then start saving for FFS after that. I do plan to start laser hair removal once I return home from Thailand and once it has had it’s full effect, I plan to fall back on electrolysis (you know, so I can hopefully reduce the amount of money that I need to spend on hair removal). And there are some things about transition that make no sense what-so-ever and I believe that those things are what makes transition a lot like high school. Continue reading ‘Transition is a Lot Like High School’
To say I have family issues would be an understatement. I have an alcoholic father and a mother who may or may not be addicted at this time. My father is a lapsed Catholic and my mother is a Christian, probably of the baptist tradition. And they are both really trying to coerce me out of becoming more myself than ever. I believe that this is probably due to the fact that they cannot deal with their “son” being an atheist, that if I am a transsexual, I would somehow be beyond the saving of a god that created the problem in the first place. So, this is why they ignore me, shut me out and every time I phone or write them, they give me all sorts of hell. Things like lying about me, threatening me with physical harm (had to phone Denver Police once) and calling me by that old name. I’ve had enough and I have decided that until they are willing to behave in a respectful manner, they would not be allowed to contact me. Fairly simple ideal, no? Continue reading ‘Family Issues’
Today, at 9am this morning, I took my first class of Bikram yoga at the studio in Westminster, Colorado. And I can honestly say that it was vastly interesting. I completely forgot to bring a mat and towel, but the people there were kind enough to lend me one for my first class. (Mental note of things to bring: mat and towel.) I also barely had enough water to keep me well hydrated during class. I walked into the classroom and I have to say that although it wasn’t terribly, excruciatingly hot (compared to what I got used to in Texas) it was something to contend with when you are doing major and horribly invasive exercises when you were basically just a computer nerd with absolutely no adeptness at Physical Education or sports in general. Shit, even walking around Sloan’s Lake once had me winded, tired and panting for energy. But I thought that this would definitely help me out with my weight loss so I was not about to be discouraged now. Continue reading ‘Back from my first class of Bikram Yoga’
Yesterday, when I was at Whole Foods Market, it came. A monster of a migrane headache came on full throttle and attacked me from my sinus all the way up to my right eyebrow. It hurt like hell and it continued on, even until I got home from Whole Foods (which is like 30-45 minutes of public transit). It continued on all through the night and when I woke up, I finally thought I was free of the blasted thing. But the minute I got out of bed, it arose again. That pounding headache. That painful manifestation of my withdrawal from Caffeine. And I would not know that this was the reason until I finally decided to give in and see if this was the reason. I bought myself a one litre bottle of Dr. Pepper and started drinking it. And I noticed from that moment on, my headache started to go away. I have a caffeine addiction and I was experiencing the painful symptoms of Caffeine withdrawal. Continue reading ‘Withdrawal is a bitch!’
Today, I phoned the person that I interviewed with over at Employer name deleted for reasons of actually hoping to get the job later on. And basically, she said that while I was qualified for the job, her only concern was that I was nervous at the Interview. And if I was nervous in a private meeting with her, how would I possibly conduct myself in an airplane with about 30 passengers? I figured this would be the reason that I would be denied the job. But she told me that she was going to be interviewing again in a couple months, so I have a chance to work on this problem and then present myself once again, ready and able to take on the job! Continue reading ‘Denied the Flight Attendant Job For Now’
Sadly, I learned about a month ago that the amount of the Stafford Loan from Community College of Denver is too laughably small to help me get the surgery. So, with the little job prospects that I do have and the little hope that I have of getting gainful employment, I am going to have to cede to the fact that I will not be having surgery before the end of the surgery. But if nothing else, it will help teach me how to live as female without the surgery, thus appreciating the surgery more. And yes, it will give me more time to prepare things before I leave. Namely, the little things such as getting a cache of money together for Chinese food delivery, a cache of food to ensure that I do not have to run to Whole Foods while lying around the house, enough to pay off my utilties for a couple of months and to purchase the sundry items needed that I would go through much quicker since I would be at home, recovering from major surgery. Continue reading ‘The surgery date will have to be next year’
After going through the closest thing to purgatory that an atheist can go through, the greyhound bus, I finalized my legal name change on the 29th of May. ^_^ It was a journey that took me approximately 4 days of hell and torment. The journey started on Tuesday, May 27th, when I arrived at the Denver Greyhound station and had to wait in fucking line for a baggage tag for one of my bags. I was almost worried that the bus would leave me. But the bus ultimately left 45 minutes late because the driver needed to pack about 6 more people onto the bus. And before we even left, a passenger that was drunk as a skunk, took a swing at another passenger before we even left the terminal. Well, at least he got a good night’s rest at Denver County Jail. Continue reading ‘The Name Change!’
On Tuesday, I will be making the trip to Indiana to finalize the legal name change. I have a few sets of clothes packed and enough food to get me there and maybe to help me survive the trip back. I have enough reading material to interest me for the trip there, and when I get back, I will bring back the rest of my reading materials in my second suitcase (hope Areya can spare $5 for the extra suitcase fee that Greyhound levies, I am broke after Wells Fargo levied one false overdraft fee too many). Other than that, I am totally ready and excited to attend the name change hearing before the judge in the middle-of-fucking-nowhere, Indiana. And I am totally excited to head the hell back here to Colorado and obtain my fully female ID card with the DR 2083 that I had to have Dr. Wilson sign. Continue reading ‘My pilgrimage to Indiana and the blog’
Now, as you know - I am a transsexual whose biggest ambitions in life are to transition and become a writer and a professor at a University. However, there is all the flotsam about self-esteem and appearance that really bothers me. And right now, the one thing I can do to improve my self-esteem and appearance is to lose weight. Since I weigh about 200 lbs and have a ‘beer belly’, this is something that needs to be improved. So, I am planning to start attending Bikram yoga courses and I have contacted the Bikram yoga college in Westminster. So far, it seems like the best deal in the Denver/Boulder corridor ($50 a month for the first month, $50 for the second month if you can make 25 courses in the first 30 days that you paid for and $130 thereafter). Continue reading ‘Contemplating Yoga’